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A sample writing for DAY1

Posted by: Angelababy | Publish time: 2016-5-9 15:05| Views: 33990| Comments: 0|帖子模式

Hi guys, I have found a sample writing scored 9 of day 1's topic. I have highlighted the words, terms and structures that are especially good for higher band.

More and more people aremigrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremelydifficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How cangovernments make urban life better for everyone?

Sample writing from IELTS-SIMON:
Cities are often seen as places of opportunity, but there are also some major drawbacks of living in a large metropolis. In my opinion, governments could do much more to improve city life for the average inhabitant.

The main problem for anyone who hopes to migrate to a large city is that the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in a small town or village. Inhabitants of cities have to pay higher prices for housing, transport, and even food. Another issue is that urban areas tend to suffer from social problems such as high crime and poverty rates in comparison with rural areas. Furthermore, the air quality in cities is often poor, due to pollution from traffic, and the streets and public transport systems are usually overcrowded. As a result, city life can be unhealthy and stressful.

However, there are various steps that governments could take to tackle these problems. Firstly, they could invest money in the building of affordable or social housing to reduce the cost of living. Secondly, politicians have the power to ban vehicles from city centres and promote the use of cleaner public transport, which would help to reduce both air pollution and traffic congestion. In London, for example, the introduction of a congestion charge for drivers has helped to curb the traffic problem. A third option would be to develop provincial towns and rural areas, by moving industry and jobs to those regions, in order to reduce the pressure on major cities.

In conclusion, governments could certainly implement a range of measures to enhance the quality of life for all city residents.

My comment: this essay has a very clear structure. The writing question is a report type, which includes two parts (problems and solutions). The introduction briefly covers the content of the whole essay. The second and third paragraph discuss the problems of city life and the ways that governments could take respectively. The noticable linking words are used such as "main problem", "another issue", "furthermore" etc. In addition, it uses the words like "would", "could", "tend to" and "is likely to", which make the tone of this eassy modest. Also the range of different grammatical structure are used. We can immitate this essay structure when we write the report type of writing next time.

City life = living in a large metropolis = migrate to a large city
People living in the city = average inhabitant = city residents
tackle problems = implement measures

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